7
by derekngarcia
Summary: Derek tells Penelope a big secret he has kept from everyone. He can't keep it a secret any longer and wants Penelope to help him in some way. Crap summary r
1. Chapter 1

7

Chapter 1 - Seven years

It had been 7 years since the day his world had been turned upside down and he would never forget it and the pain he felt. 'I guess like Penelope says, everything happens for a reason' Derek thought to himself as he sat up in bed.

He got up and went downstairs quietly not wanting to wake Penelope up. He took out his secret box and took out the book he had, so he could write his feelings.

He took a pen and opened the book deciding he could read what he wrote in the other pages later.

DM~PG

Penelope felt Derek get out of bed and heard him go downstairs. She fell asleep quickly after that, feeling tired still and woke up 5 minutes later seeing he still hadn't returned.

She put on a robe and went downstairs to find Derek sitting by the table with a box and a book in front of him, staring at it. He looked up and put it away seeing she was there.

Clearing his throat he said 'hey baby girl, what are you doing here? I was just coming to bed now'.

Penelope walked over to Derek. 'The bed was cold'

Derek smiled and stood up, taking the box and putting it away, then walked over to Penelope and took her hand, walking back to bed.

The next morning Derek woke up early not being able to sleep.

'Be happy' Derek thought to himself, he went to make Penelope breakfast for when she woke up and then took out his book.

Derek sat there, trying to think of something to write and sighed, frustrated. After about 15 minutes of trying to think he put the book away in the box and got up putting the box away, just as Penelope came down.

His phone went off, signaling a message and he sighed, hoping it wasn't a case. He looked at who it was from and grimaced. 'I miss the fairy it was 7 years ago, too soon and not fair. I hate it, why did this have to happen Derek?' his eyes filled with sudden tears as he read the message.

He replied to the message and looked up at Penelope who was asking him something. 'Sorry baby what did you say?'

'Was that Hotch?' Penelope asked.

Derek shook his head and said 'no baby girl'

Penelope sighed in relief and sat down next to Derek. She rubbed his back and looked at him. 'Are you okay baby?'

Derek cleared his throat and said 'yea baby girl I'm fine, just tired…' Derek stayed silent for a few moments 'do you still want to go out today?'

Penelope smiled 'yea sure, I'd love to' Penelope wasn't convinced that he wasn't okay.

He looked at her and gave her a soft kiss on the lips 'I am okay'

Penelope grinned 'mind reader' she said then patted his head, getting up.

'Shopping… right' Derek whispered to himself, then sighed and shook his head.

His chest hurt as he tried to keep his tears at bay, trying to protect his heart from anymore pain. He got up and went to the bathroom to wash his face.

He went to get dressed and went downstairs, making a cup of coffee trying to regain some of his energy.

Derek got another message 'how are you dealing with it, are you okay?'

'Dealing with it? I'm not dealing with it. I think not dealing with it is a better option. It would be easier for me that way. I mean it won't bring back the emptiness I feel in my heart so I don't see the point. How are you dealing with it?' Derek replied to the message.

Penelope came downstairs a few minutes later dressed and ready to go, her make up placed perfectly on her beautiful face.

Derek smiled taking his coffee and going to sit on the couch next to her.

Penelope sat next to Derek 'baby do you know anyone called Ruby?' Penelope asked.

Derek choked on his coffee and looked at her with wide-eyes. 'I might do, what's her last name?' Derek asked.

'Ruby… Sutton I think' Penelope answered.

'Yea, yea I know who that is…why?' Derek asked.

Penelope responded 'oh she wanted you to call her the other day she said she needed to speak to you… so who is she?'

'Oh I'll call her later, she said it was a personal matter or something like that, I don't know. She is my ex…' Derek said awkwardly and rubbed his head.

Penelope nodded her head 'oh right, is everything okay with her? She sounded kind of sad, why is she contacting you?' she asked.

'Families are friends. She's been feeling kind of down lately, sure she'll be fine soon' Derek replied to her.

'Like you, are you really okay Derek?' Penelope asked concerned, knowing he wasn't telling her something.

Derek turned his body to face her and took her face in his hands. 'Maybe the case got to me a bit I don't know, but I am happy and I am and will be fine okay' Derek told her, hoping she would believe him, then gave her a kiss.

Penelope looked into Derek's dark brown eyes, which were normally sparkling but now were blank, and nodded her head, she had to trust him, and so she would. 'Okay, but you would tell me if anything was wrong, wouldn't you?' Penelope asked, needing reassurance he would tell her anything.

Derek stayed silent for a few moments and then nodded his head and said 'yea I promise, I will tell you if anything is wrong'

Happy, Penelope nodded her head and smiled.

Derek smiled back and kissed her again making her smile even more. 'Your beautiful baby' Derek told her.

'Thank you sweetness' Penelope replied, loving his compliments, mostly because she knew he meant them.

Derek laid his head on Penelope's legs and looked up at her.

She smiled down at him and stroked his head lovingly.

His phone went off again signaling a message and he turned it off instead, not wanting to read it now.

Derek looked at Penelope and said 'shall we go now?'

Penelope's face lit up and she nodded her head. 'Yea, give me 10 minutes, then I'll be done' Penelope told him and got up when Derek moved.

Half an hour later, Penelope and Derek were in the shopping centre and going in different shops, separately.

Penelope was in a candle shop, looking at and smelling loads of different candles she liked and she decided she was going to buy some. She then walked into her favorite shoe shop.

Derek, in the mean time, went into a baby shop and was looking at some pink baby shoes, that he picked up and smiled 'these are cute' Derek thought to himself and put them in the bag of things he was going to buy.

He looked around some more and found another top that said 'I'm beautiful like mummy' Derek smiled and agreed with the top. He put it down in the bag and looked around some more.

He paid for the things and as he left the shop he ran in to JJ. He grimaced and started to feel awkward.

'Hey Derek, what are you doing here?' JJ asked with interest and amusement.

Derek smiled at her and said 'oh hey JJ, I was looking and I just kind of had to buy them, they were so cute, I was just looking around otherwise'

JJ smiled even more and said 'I know they are; are you and Penelope having a baby? I mean you bought the things'

Derek made a face and said 'no we're not having a baby but I want to, I was just looking through and I couldn't stop myself…' after a few awkward silent moments Derek kind of begged 'please can you not tell Penelope I was here yet… she doesn't know…'

JJ nodded her head in understanding and then asked 'anyway where are you headed?'

'Err anywhere where there is clothes for 7 year olds' Derek replied.

JJ frowned but shrugged 'well you can come with me I was going the same place, why you going there?'

Derek shrugged 'I just want to see a few things, what kinds of things do 7 year olds like?'

'I think anything pink they would love, who are you buying it for?' JJ asked, interested to know who it was for and why he wanted to know since apparently Penelope wasn't having a baby.

'Just a cute 7 year old' Derek replied not knowing what else to say.

JJ shrugged in response and they walked into the shop in comfortable silence.


	2. not ready!

7

Chapter 2 – not ready!

'What are you looking for?' JJ asked as they walked into the shop and got to the kids section.

'Just some clothes for a 7-year-old girl and some things they watch' Derek replied.

JJ laughed a bit and nodded her head 'well the clothes are here the movies complete other shop…' JJ told him.

Derek nodded his head and asked 'maybe you can help me'

JJ looked at him surprised, he never normally asked for help, but nodded her head anyway and said 'sure, what are you looking for?'

Derek froze 'err… I'm not sure really, just something pretty, like a dress, very girly' he told her.

'Something Penelope would like in a little girl?' JJ asked, smiling.

Derek grinned 'kind of but a bit less… also shoes' he told her.

'Shoes I definitely know… dress okay I can help with' JJ said.

About 15 minutes later Derek sighed and said 'I give up, this is pointless, and I can't find any'

JJ looked at Derek, surprised to hear the words 'I give up' come out of his mouth. 'Don't give up Derek, I'm sure we'll be able to find something that she'll like, just give it time' JJ said, surprise in her voice.

Derek sighed again and said 'okay, there has to be something here, I can buy'

'Yea there is so lets look some more' JJ told him, taking his arm and dragging him away.

15 minutes later, Derek found a beautiful white dress with flowers and a pink bow on it. Derek picked it up and smiled. 'This is beautiful and perfect. I love it'

JJ was looking at something else when she heard Derek mumble something to himself as he looked at something. She looked over and saw Derek holding a beautiful dress that he seemed to like, if the smile on his face was anything to go by. She walked over to him and looked at the dress more carefully and smiled. 'That's beautiful Derek I'm sure the girl you're buying it for is going to love it' JJ said.

Derek looked at JJ smiling, listening to what she was saying and then he sighed after saying thank you to her.

Something caught JJ's eye when she heard Derek sigh. She frowned, she couldn't tell if that was a happy or sad sigh and then wondered if she had said something wrong.

JJ looked back at Derek and saw he had a longing and sad look in his eye and frowned. Walking over to him, she looked at him carefully but his face was blank, apart from the smile he had plastered on his face.

Derek looked at JJ and saw her frown. 'What's up?' Derek asked.

JJ, shaking her head, replied 'nothings up. I was actually wondering what's up with you. Is everything okay with you Derek?'

Derek feigned confusion. 'What do you mean? Everything's fine, there's nothing wrong' Derek told her.

JJ nodded and looked at a few other dresses she liked. Around 5 minutes later she walked over to Derek again who was looking for other things. She tapped him on the shoulder, making him turn around.

She tilted her head and asked 'is this about the baby conversation we all had the other day, because you know I was just teasing when I said that' JJ said wanting to make sure.

Derek frowned and shook his head 'no, this has nothing to do with the baby conversation the other day, yes I bought baby clothes and everything but that, I don't know what that was and this dress, it has nothing to do with the baby conversation either, otherwise I would have to wait like 7 years to give this to our daughter, I wouldn't do that'

JJ nodded her head and said 'okay just making sure'

Derek smiled and nodded back. Derek then paid for the dress and JJ paid for her things.

The next shop Derek and JJ went to was the toy shop. 'Do you know what kind of things 7 year olds like?'

JJ looked at Derek surprised and asked 'I will answer the question Derek but who is all this for, what girl is it?'

Derek sighed, knowing she wasn't going to let it go until he told her. 'It's a friend of mine, it's her daughter's birthday soon, that's it, I swear'

JJ looked at him and nodded her head 'that's nice, what's her name?'

'Her name… oh yea her name is Ashleigh or Ash for short' Derek smiled brightly.

JJ smiled back and said 'that's a cute name, I like that…'

'Yea… so do I' Derek said with love and longing in his voice.

'You really do want a baby don't you' JJ said with awe in her voice, finding it cute.

Derek looked away quickly and then sighed 'yea I do' Derek told her.

'You'll be a good dad Derek' JJ said.

Derek smiled and said 'yea I hope so'

'Have you and Penelope spoken about having a baby?' JJ asked, wanting to know.

'Yea we have, more lately since you kind of asked' Derek replied, smirking. 'No seriously though, we have and I really do want a kid' Derek told her being serious.

'I believe you, that's good, so are you going to' JJ said.

'I hope so; I would love a baby with Penelope, she's going to be such a good mum' Derek said with a smile on his face.

JJ smiled 'I agree, you'll both be good parents…' after a few moments of silence JJ added 'Oh 7 year olds like changing costumes and things like that'

Derek smiled back and thanked her, walking into the shop with her.

'What size is she?' JJ asked when they found a costume.

'I don't know, I'm guessing small' Derek replied.

JJ raised an eye brow but nodded her head and went to look around, whilst waiting for Derek to pay.

'Why isn't Penelope with you? She would love to help; she would pick out loads of crazy, cool things' JJ asked when they left the shop.

'She doesn't really know, I didn't tell her' Derek said feeling bad.

JJ was shocked. She thought Derek told Penelope everything. 'Oh how come she doesn't know?'

'We don't keep in much contact and it just never came up really… that's why Penelope doesn't know' Derek told her with a shrug.

'How can it not, I mean it might not be important to you but I thought she would know, you tell her everything' JJ said.

'I tell her most things but not everything and she's in the past, Penelope… she's now and in my future… and this is **more important** to me than anything. I was going to tell her and I am but I just don't know how' Derek said sadly, sadness creeping into his ice-cold veins, tears burning the back of his eyes.

JJ was taken aback by Derek's sad tone of voice and the emphasis on the words 'more important'. Her face softened and she said 'okay, I can tell this is important to you. You can tell Penelope anything and us anything; we won't judge you or anything. I'm sorry.'

Derek nodded his head and said quietly, 'I know I can, thank you, I just don't feel comfortable telling Penelope now, I don't have a single clue how she will react. I just need to tell her when I'm ready and when it's the right time'

They started walking to a different shop and JJ was still quiet.

JJ was listening to what Derek was saying, taking it all in. 'Is it something bad, is it a big thing, I got that it was important to you, do you have anything to do with this Ashleigh girl that you keep talking about?'

Derek shook his head and opened his beer 'no, I just told you she's a daughter of a friend, but yea it is a big thing and it's not a bad thing no… well it is for me and it will probably change Penelope's view of me…'


	3. Chapter 3

7

Chapter 3

JJ and Derek continued shopping and talking about his relationship with Penelope when suddenly she asked 'was it love at first sight? I mean you have been in love with Penelope for a long time now haven't you' with a smile on her face.

Derek smiled and said 'yea, I guess you could say that'

'That's sweet… I know this is before you met Penelope and joined the BAU but did you do the same thing then before you got with Penelope, one night stands, looking for girls?' JJ asked, teasing lightly.

Derek stood still, blank face with no emotion 'no, I was in a long relationship before that' he told her.

JJ got a bit worried about Derek and put a hand on his shoulder, feeling him tense when she did that, she pulled her hand back 'that's good, was it very serious?' she asked, not knowing about this relationship.

Derek laughed slightly, 'yea I guess you could say that but not at the end, we just kind of drifted apart' he told her, it was true.

'Oh I'm sorry' JJ said, taking a sip of her drink.

'Mhm… the funny thing is I thought I loved her or I did but I fell in love with someone else and I fell in love with her more than I did with my ex… I know that's bad but she knew and after that we drifted…' Derek told her not going into massive detail.

JJ was shocked; she never thought he'd tell her something like that as Derek was quite a private person. 'Oh…' JJ said not knowing what else to say.

Derek laughed slightly 'yea, what else can you say to that… she fell in love too'

JJ nodded 'are you still in love with this mystery person you keep talking about?' JJ asked, needing to know.

Derek shook his head 'no absolutely not…' Derek said feeling a tug at his heart, sudden tears threatening to fall 'I am 100% in love with Penelope Garcia and no one else' Derek said firmly.

JJ smiled and said 'good, I didn't think you would be but I had to make sure'

Derek nodded and was just about to say something back when his phone rang. He looked at the caller and smiled. He looked up at JJ and she nodded her head, he answered the phone and said 'hey baby girl' Derek stayed silent and then told Penelope to come meet him.

5 minutes later Penelope came over with quite a few shopping bags and saw Derek sitting with JJ and laughing. She walked over to the table they were at and put them down, then walked over to JJ giving her a hug and saying hi to her and Derek. Then she went to give Derek a kiss and sat down.

'What did you guys buy?' Penelope asked, smile on her face.

JJ was the first to reply and said 'oh nothing much really, just a few bits. What about you, what did you buy?' JJ asked, deciding not to tell Penelope she was helping Derek.

Penelope smiled brightly and nodded her head. 'I bought candles, I had to they smelt so nice, and I got more make up, can't live without that and I got some really nice shoes and I got some more shoes' Penelope told her.

Derek smiled at what Penelope was saying whilst reading a text from Ruby 'I'm struggling with it today actually, 25th June that date… I agree with you, I can't deal with it, today just seems harder. Do you still have the picture?'

Derek frowned and replied to the text 'of course I still have the picture; I've always got it with me, why wouldn't I have it? Do you have it?'

JJ saw Derek frown whilst reading something on his phone and asked 'do we have a case or something?'

Derek looked up and said 'huh? Oh no, just reading something'

JJ sighed in relief and said 'okay, good because I really don't want to go into work'

Derek didn't reply and Penelope nodded her head in agreement.

Penelope looked around at her surroundings and spotted a birthday girl. 'Aw look it's that girl's birthday, she's 7'

Derek looked up when he heard Penelope talk but tensed when he realized the girl was 7 years old, he sighed and shook his head, then smiled at Penelope and looked back down as he got tears in his eyes, feeling jealous of the parents.

JJ saw this and frowned, looking at Derek carefully, to see any sign of emotion, but she didn't see anything. She sighed, knowing something was up with him, he had acted strangely all week and now he was acting weirder.

She got her phone out and sent Derek a message 'is everything okay with you? You've been acting weird all this week and especially today, you don't normally sigh and shake your head when you see a little 7-year-old celebrate their birthday'

'Okay, I'm sorry, just sometimes I want to throw it away or hide it, the memories and everything become too much, when I've had a bad day at work or something. You know what I mean' Derek read the message he got from Ruby and then got another message.

'Actually, now maybe I do, there is a 7-year-old girl celebrating her birthday today… well lucky them. Otherwise no I'd never throw it away or hide it, not even for a minute, that's the only way I can keep her, if I hid it for even a minute that means I would have lost her for a minute and that would be too much' Derek replied to the message.

Derek then read JJ's message and looked at her. 'I already told you everything is fine and I wasn't sighing and shaking my head at that' Derek replied to her message.

Penelope was keeping an eye on Derek and knew something happened when she was away but before she had a chance to ask what happened he got up saying he was going somewhere and he will be back in a minute.

'Penelope… what's going on with Derek? He's been acting weird all week, I'm starting to worry' JJ said, worry in her voice.

Penelope went quiet, 'JJ , I seriously have no clue, I keep asking him if he's okay and to talk to me but he wont say anything, he just said that it was the case and that he will tell me if anything's up but he hasn't and his ex girlfriend called me… Ruby, she sounded upset and asked to talk to Derek, I didn't know that was his ex at the time though. Yesterday, like in the middle of the night, he woke up and went downstairs, I had to come downstairs and get him, he was just staring at a box or something and as soon as I came down he put it away and the same this morning. I seriously don't know what's going on with him'

JJ was shocked, he mentioned his ex today and then asked 'I told him he could talk to any of us if he wanted I mean we're not going to judge him or anything, he knows that, he just said that he didn't feel comfortable talking about it. The ex though, that's weird, do you know what happened between them?' JJ paused and then carried on before Penelope could answer her question 'and have you asked him about that box he was staring at?'

Penelope shook her head no 'I haven't asked him about the box but I will, I just figured he would tell me when he's ready… his ex, oh god, no I haven't we don't really talk about that but I will ask him some questions…' Penelope sighed and stayed silent for a few moments 'I know this is wrong but I feel he's hiding something from me, I don't want to feel like that but I do, its like he doesn't even talk to me anymore like what he's feeling and everything' Penelope told JJ.

JJ sighed, 'that's bad, I'm sure he's not hiding anything big or something, what I don't understand is why he is still in contact with his ex when he's with you, I don't keep in contact with any of my exes' she said.

Penelope sighed 'yea I don't know…'

JJ felt sorry for Penelope and put a hand on her shoulder 'one thing I do know though… he is completely and 100 million percent in love with you' JJ told her trying to reassure her friend.


	4. Chapter 4

7

Chapter 4 - Dreams

When Derek and Penelope got home, Derek put the bags down and headed to the kitchen getting a drink for him and Penelope. 'Want a drink baby?' Derek asked.

Penelope sighed and said 'sure' taking of her shoes and going into their room.

Derek got Penelope some wine and himself some vodka as he needed something stronger.

He put them on the table and then walked into their room to check Penelope. He sat on their bed next to Penelope and gave her a hug, which she gladly returned.

He kissed her head and made her look at him, when she did he asked 'you okay baby girl? What's up?'

She looked at him and gave him a kiss then said 'me and JJ are worried about you'

Derek sighed 'like I told you before I am okay and I've told JJ the same… you have no reason to worry' he said and rubbed her back, trying to make her feel better and then kissed her head.

Penelope only nodded and stayed silent. 'What was that box you were looking at this morning and last night?'

Derek started to feel nervous; he didn't know how to answer that. 'Box… oh yea the box, right that… there's nothing really interesting about the box, just a diary…' Derek told her, knowing that was a crap lie he just told her.

'Okay' Penelope answered with, knowing he was lying.

Derek sighed 'no that's not true and you know that, it doesn't really have much in that box, I just have it, there is a diary in there though, people would think its weird but I find it comforting, some might not find it important but I do' he told her, that was half-true.

Penelope smiled, 'why would they think it's not important, that's nice, if it's important to you, it's important to me'

Derek smiled back, a real smile for the first time that day. 'Thank you baby, you're amazing'

He stood up taking her hand and pulling her up with him and they walked into the living room taking a seat on the couch. Derek passed the wine to Penelope and took his drink too, finishing most of it in one go he wanted to forget just this once and make himself go numb.

Penelope looked at Derek and asked 'have you called Ruby yet?'

Derek finished the rest of his drink; shaking his head no at her question 'no not going to' he told her and then went to get some more drink.

Penelope was surprised and asked 'why? It sounded important'

'Not anymore, she wanted me to meet her 'cause she needed to tell me something but I told her no' Derek told her sitting down again.

'Oh okay' Penelope said.

'I told her if she needed to say anything to tell my mum or sisters not me. She likes to start problems but she's nice she says to say hello as well. My family and her family are friends and very close so I don't know why she needs to tell me' Derek told her feeling frustrated, he really didn't want to meet her as it would bring up too many painful memories but he also knew that Ruby would definitely not tell his mum.

'Oh, at least she's close with your family, she seemed very nice when I spoke to her' Penelope replied.

'Yea she is…' Derek said not finishing his sentence.

Derek and Penelope carried on talking for a while and then she went to make dinner.

Derek stayed on the couch, not wanting to move, but decided to get up and help Penelope with dinner, he wasn't extremely drunk, he was just a bit tipsy but Penelope thought that was enough and sent him back to the couch.

Derek ended up falling asleep nearly 10 minutes later.

'_Daddy… daddy' Ashleigh shouted, trying to get her dads attention. _

'_Yes baby' Derek turned around and looked at Ashleigh, she had dark brown eyes and dark hair that was long and wavy. _

'_I missed you daddy' she told him and gave him a hug. _

_Derek picked her up and hugged her back 'I missed you more princess' _

_He walked into the living room and put her down on the couch, then sat next to her 'are we going to watch a movie today and have some pizza? Then maybe go out for ice cream?' he suggested, knowing Ash would love that. _

_Ashleigh grinned and nodded her head. 'Yes daddy, I want to do that…' she told him still smiling. 'Where's mummy Penelope?' Ashleigh asked. _

_Derek smiled back and kissed her head 'Penelope's gone out but she's coming back soon' _

_Ashleigh nodded and said 'okay daddy, what movie are we watching?' _

'_I don't know, why don't you choose' Derek suggested. _

_Ash pretended to think about it for a moment and then grinned 'I want to watch Beauty and the Beast' she told her dad. _

_Derek smiled; stroking her cheek and said 'sure we can watch that one' he got up and went to put the movie in, both of them starting to watch the movie. _

_Ashleigh sat in her dads lap and rested her head on his shoulder whilst watching the movie, half way through the film she started to fall asleep. She woke up again and whispered loud enough for Derek to hear 'I love you daddy… I have to go now' she said and got up starting to walk away. _

_Derek frowned and said 'no don't go, I love you, please don't go, stay with me' Derek said, tears in his eyes, getting up and following her. He followed her until she left completely. _

'Ashleigh…' Derek woke up whispering, breathing heavily.

Penelope walked in to see Derek sitting up. She walked over to him and looked at him worriedly 'are you okay baby?'

Derek closed his eyes and nodded 'yea I'm okay' he said getting up slowly.

Penelope nodded and said 'okay, dinners ready by the way'

Derek only nodded 'okay thank you baby, I'll be there in a minute' he said and gave her a kiss.

Penelope walked back to the table and poured him a drink and then sat down waiting for him.

Derek, in the mean time, was getting his box and put it in their room so he could get it after dinner. Then went downstairs to have dinner with Penelope.

He wasn't really hungry so he picked on the food, making conversation with Penelope. 'I'm really not hungry' Derek said, putting his cutlery down on his plate.

Penelope sighed and said okay, not wanting to push Derek away further.

'I'm sorry baby girl, I love it… but I love you more' Derek told her with a cheeky grin.

Penelope couldn't stop the smile on her face and rolled her eyes at him laughing slightly 'your silly but I love you too' she told him and he smiled back giving her a kiss.

'I am going to run a bath but after that do you want to watch a movie with me?' Derek said.

Penelope smiled and nodded her head 'yea sure, I'd love to'

Derek replied with 'good, me to' and then put his plate away, getting another glass of vodka, taking it with him.


	5. Chapter 5

7

Chapter 5 – talking to you in my dreams!

Derek went up to their room and got his box and the bags he had with the dress he had gotten today whilst shopping. He went back downstairs and got a pen then went back upstairs to get everything he needed and went into the bathroom to run his bath.

10 minutes later he was in the bath, diary in his hand, wallet and box beside him. He sat up completely and opened the diary, getting the pen.

'_Hey Ashleigh,_

_Like I tell you every time, I miss you, so much and I'm pretty sure you know I think about you all the time. I had a dream about you today again, all my good dreams have you in it, we watched a movie and it was fun, until you whispered that you loved me and then that you had to go, I couldn't stop you from leaving me, I need you to stay with me. _

_I got you something today, a dress._

_JJ helped me choose, she said 'I'm sure she would love it' well I hope that's true, but then I remembered, you will never see it, but if you can I really hope you like it. I hope I can give you a little sister or brother soon, I know if it looks like me then I will be able to see you in the baby, I never got a chance to be your dad and its so difficult for me, I've lost a lot of people in my life, or they have left and my dream, it reminded me of that, you left me, I don't blame you, I know you had to get back but it hurt. It hurt Ash, because I just wanted a little more time with you, tell you a few more times that I love you and that I need you. _

_My team mates, friends, family, all the same, they don't know about you, your like my number 1 secret and I don't like it like that, I want them to know, I just don't know how to tell them._

_In my dream you were asking for Penelope, I have a feeling if you were still here you would love Penelope. _

_I still wonder, every day, what you look like, in my dream you had dark brown eyes and dark, long wavy hair, Ash, you are so beautiful and I know you are always with me, I hope I see you in my dreams and we can talk more, it feels more real that way. I want to tell you things too, sounds crazy I know but oh well. _

_I love you always Ash,_

_Love Dad xxx' Derek wrote in his diary tears rolling down his face. _

He held the diary in his hands for a few more moments and then shut it and put it back next to him, he got his wallet and opened it up, taking out the ultra sound picture he had.

He stared at the picture for what seemed like a long time, he didn't really know how long he stared for but it felt long. He closed his eyes holding the picture over his heart, falling asleep.

_Derek and Ashleigh were sitting by the lake on the rocks, talking and smiling, whilst watching the sun go down. _

'_How's work daddy, are you still saving people?' Ash asked._

_Derek smiled 'yea daddy's still saving people, some times we don't get there in time though' he told his daughter and sighed, looking down._

_Ashleigh leaned into her dad and he put his arm around her. 'Don't worry daddy, you're my hero and Penelope's hero too, but you can't be everyone's hero, you can't save everyone daddy but at least you tried, isn't that most important, that's what you told Penelope once' Ashleigh said. _

_Derek smiled again and kissed his daughter on the head 'where do you get all your cleverness from? Thank you for saying that baby, I know that now clever girl' Derek said to her. _

_Ash grinned and said 'maybe I get it from Dr Uncle Reid' _

_Derek laughed slightly and replied 'well it wouldn't surprise me' _

'_I know computer things too, that I learnt from mummy Penelope… Penelope is awesome, I love her too and why does Uncle Hotch have a straight face most of the time, I like his son Jack' Ashleigh asked her dad, frowning just like her dad did._

_Derek laughed and said 'you make me laugh, yea Jacks nice, Hotch he doesn't like to show emotion, with the things we do and see you get used to not showing much emotion and Penelope… she loves you too, even though she doesn't know you'_

'_I'm sorry for what I did earlier this week daddy, I didn't mean to, I just felt left out' Ash said feeling sad. _

'_Oh baby, its okay, I forgave you for that already, you don't have to say sorry again' Derek said, moving some hair out of her face and pulling her onto his lap. _

_Ashleigh just nodded her head and stayed silent for a few moments, then Derek said 'why don't we talk about happy things, things that make us happy, like you, you make me happy'_

_Ashleigh smiled and nodded 'family makes me happy daddy, you have a family so I'm happy, what makes you happy daddy?' _

_Derek stroked her cheek and kissed her head 'family makes me happy to baby, I like that family makes you happy, family is most important okay, never ever forget that'_

_Ashleigh nodded her head and said 'okay daddy… daddy?' Derek looked at her and nodded his head and she continued 'you really love mummy Penelope don't you?' _

_Derek smiled, nodding his head 'yea… I do'_

_Ashleigh grinned and said 'good, so don't let her go daddy, keep her always because I love mummy Penelope too and she's your baby girl so you can't do anything to hurt her'_

'_I will definitely not let her go, I will make that my personal mission and promise to you and me and Penelope okay' _

_Ash nodded and said 'okay daddy… and be careful when you are trying to get bad guys because Penelope doesn't like it, she gets very scared daddy… like me, we don't want you to get hurt because then we will be sad and you don't like it when we're sad' _

_Derek hugged his daughter tightly and let go when she said she couldn't breathe, he looked at her in the eye and said 'I promise I will be careful and you're right, I don't like it when you're sad so I will do anything and everything it takes to keep you happy okay. I love you' _

'_I love you too daddy… oh and daddy, I saw the dress you got me, I love it, its so pretty and beautiful, thank you daddy, and Aunty JJ said that I would love it' Ashleigh said a cheeky smile on her face. _

'_Your very welcome angel, I like buying things for you, it was very pretty and very beautiful, just like you' Derek told her. _

'_Daddy I think you should wake up now, Penelope's worried about you, I have to go now daddy, I don't want to leave but I have to go. Please don't be sad daddy I'll be back soon… I love you daddy… I'll drop the towel on the floor daddy so you know I'm there okay'' Ashleigh said to her dad, then kissed him on the cheek and got up. _

_Derek was confused for a moment and then realized he was still sleeping 'Ashleigh, come back baby, I love you...' Derek shouted and tried to go after her but she was too fast. _

Derek woke up shouting 'Ashleigh' he was too busy trying to recover from the dream he didn't hear the knock on the door that was getting louder.

He saw a towel drop on the floor and he jumped slightly. 'Derek… open the door' Penelope shouted.

'I'm sorry baby I'm coming out now' Derek said back, he could tell that she was worried about him and hurried to the towel that dropped on the floor, then got rid of the box. He opened the door to see Penelope standing there, concerned look on her face.

'Are you okay? What happened, you were in there for so long and you didn't answer when I called you, I was getting worried' Penelope told him.

Derek stepped towards her and put an arm round her, her head resting on his chest, he kissed her head and said 'I'm sorry baby girl, I fell asleep'

'You fell asleep?' Penelope said, mortified.

Derek didn't answer, just nodded and whispered he loved her, he then realized the towel did drop on the floor, just like Ash said it would and he smiled, knowing she was still with him.


	6. Chapter 6

7

Chapter 6 – How did you know?

'Daddy, I don't think mummy should go into work today, she feels sick daddy, wake up quickly daddy she's going to be sick' Ashleigh told her dad, looking concerned.

Derek woke up quickly and sat up in bed looking at Penelope. Her face scrunched up and her arms around her tummy like she's trying to protect someone or something close to her.

'Baby girl, hey wake up' Derek woke Penelope up slightly.

She started to wake up a few moments later and looked at him 'what's wrong Derek?'

'Do you feel sick?' Derek asked.

Penelope didn't get a chance to answer, she got out of bed and ran into the bathroom, being sick, and Derek got out of bed quickly and turned on the light for Penelope, then pulled her hair back, out of her face.

He kissed her head and went to get some water for her when she had finished. He came back with water for her and she took the glass from him, thanking him. She spat out the water then brushed her teeth.

She got back into bed and waited for Derek. Derek returned 5 minutes later and got into bed next to her. He put his arm around her and she rested her head on his shoulder and held onto Derek's hand.

'How did you know I was going to be sick Derek?' Penelope asked.

'Shhh, just sleep, it was a feeling' Derek told her and she nodded her head, doing what Derek told her to do and fell asleep again, Derek doing the same.

'_Thank you baby for telling me' Derek told Ashleigh, they were on the beach this time. _

'_It's okay daddy…' Ash told her dad and looked down, seeming uncomfortable._

_Derek saw this and got worried 'what is it Ash?' _

'_I don't want you to wake up again daddy, can I tell you soon, before I have to go' Ash begged him, needing to figure out how she was going to say this. _

'_Sure but I wont wake up babe, whatever it is I'll sort it out okay, you don't have to worry' Derek told her. _

_Ash smiled up at her dad and shook her head 'no daddy, it's a good thing, you can't sort it out and you wont want to either' _

'_Then tell me, I'm excited to know' Derek asked._

_Derek took a sip of his drink as Ashleigh said 'mummy Penelope has a baby in her tummy' _

Derek choked on his drink and woke up coughing Penelope sitting up with him 'are you okay?' she asked him.

Derek looked at her and asked 'are you pregnant?' with wide eyes.

Penelope looked at Derek like he had grown an extra three heads 'Derek… was that a joke?'

Derek still had wide eyes and shook his head 'no baby girl, sorry' he said and gave her a kiss.

Penelope groaned and closed her eyes, lying back down 'I'm going back to sleep' she told him and then turned around.

Derek sighed and went back to sleep.

'_I'm sorry daddy…' Ashleigh said, feeling guilty. _

'_What for baby? You didn't do anything you just told me really good news' Derek told his daughter big smile on his face._

_Derek and his daughter spoke about everything until she had to go again. 'Daddy, I'm still going to be with you, don't be sad, can I lie next you in bed daddy, I can turn the light on next to the bed to make sure you know I'm there' _

_Derek couldn't stop the disappointed look on his face when she said she had to go but smiled when he heard the rest. 'Of course you can baby, I think daddy would love that' Derek said and kissed his daughter on the head. 'I love you Ashleigh' _

'_I love you daddy' she replied back and waved goodbye, her body disappearing after a moment. _

Derek woke up and was confused for a moment and then he saw the light go on next to the bed and he smiled whispering 'I love you baby' then falling asleep again.

A month and a half later!

'Derek, you're insane' Penelope told him getting a bit frustrated.

'Why? Just take the pregnancy test and then you will know. When I say the test, I mean all of them' Derek told her, serious look on his face.

Penelope sighed, knowing there was no point in arguing with him on this. 'Fine, okay I will take the stupid test and I will take all of them'

Derek smiled and nodded his head, watching Penelope go into the bathroom.

Penelope read the instructions and then peed on all 5 sticks. She took them with her and waited with Derek to get the results.

'You asked me last month when I was sick if I was pregnant as well? Where did you get that from? Why do you think I'm pregnant Derek?' Penelope asked Derek.

Derek stuttered, not really knowing how to answer that. 'Erm, I don't know, it was a feeling and I had a dream about it'

Penelope looked at him as if he were crazy but before she got to say anything the timer went off and Penelope got nervous, she looked at Derek shaking her head 'I'm not turning them round. You can' she told him.

Derek held his breath for a moment and then nodded his head. Just as he was about to turn them, one of them fell on the floor, making Penelope jump.

Derek smiled brightly and had a feeling Ashleigh was there with them. Penelope looked at him and asked 'is it positive?' then picked up the stick and looked at it. 'Well this one isn't' she told him.

Derek sighed 'Oh I don't know, I haven't checked yet' Derek replied. He turned them all around and checked the rest of them.

All 4 of them were positive.

Derek smiled even more and Penelope stared at them in shock, feeling more than happy.

'How did you know Derek?' Penelope asked, smile on her face.

'Like I said… I had a dream and then it was a feeling' Derek told her silently thanking Ashleigh for telling him.

'And you had the dream the night I was sick' Penelope stated.

Derek grinned and nodded his head 'yup' he agreed then gave her a kiss.

'Do you have any other feelings or had any other dreams?' Penelope asked.

'Nope, not yet' Derek told her. 'I'll tell you when I do though' he carried on. Hoping he would have another dream tonight, so he could thank Ashleigh properly.

They were in their own worlds thinking and came back to reality when they heard something drop on to the floor.

'Is there a ghost in this house or something because that's the second time it's happened' Penelope asked, no one in particular.

'Yea there is baby girl' Derek said completely serious, a little smile on his face.

'Well that's nice' Penelope said, a little sarcastically.

'Yea it is' Derek said seriously, his smile getting bigger, like it was a comfort to him.

Penelope looked at him and shook her head but smiled anyway.


	7. Chapter 7

7

Chapter 7 - There's something I need to tell you

Penelope was now 7 months pregnant!

'Let's talk about baby names' Penelope suggested suddenly.

Derek looked surprised and then smiled 'yea sure baby girl what names do you like?'

Penelope pouted her lips and Derek gave her a kiss. 'I like the name Lilly, Holly I like Chloe, Courtney' Penelope told Derek.

Derek smiled 'I love those names baby girl, I like Shayla and Kristina, Rosie and Angela' Derek then told her the names he liked.

'Aw they are cute, I love those names as well' Penelope told him. 'Oh what's the one you mentioned?...' Penelope tried to think of the name for a few moments and then remembered 'Ashleigh'

Derek cleared his throat and said 'I like that name yea…'

Penelope looked at Derek carefully, seeing how his body language and everything about him changed. 'But you wouldn't name your child that?' Penelope asked.

Derek got tears in his eyes and said 'I don't know, maybe I would… I just don't think I can'

'It's a really nice name, I love it, it's cute' Penelope said and nodded her head.

'Yea so do I' Derek replied completely serious, his chest hurting physically.

Penelope nodded her head in agreement 'yea, but we don't have to decide now, we still have time to choose'

Derek tried not to flinch at those words, the few words that brought back so many painful memories.

Derek just nodded, not being able to say anything.

'JJ said that you weren't feeling ready yet. What did you mean by that?' Penelope asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

'I didn't mean anything by it…' Derek replied not looking at her and getting up pacing the room back and forth.

'This baby…' Penelope said pointing to her belly 'it means everything to me; you and the baby complete me… Penelope told him tears in her eyes. 'Doesn't it complete you?' Penelope asked.

Derek still wouldn't look at her. 'Truth, yea it will probably complete me for a while but not forever… even if I wanted it to' Derek told her and immediately regretted saying it.

He heard her gasp and he shook his head 'I'm sorry baby girl, I didn't mean…' he started, he was extremely sorry for saying that but he couldn't say he didn't mean it because he did.

Penelope couldn't believe Derek just said that. Why would he say that, he tells her most of the time her and the baby make his world and now he's saying it will complete him for a while. 'What did you mean Derek?'

Derek shook his head going over to her and sitting in front of her. He took a sip of vodka and then took her hand and gave her a kiss 'I'm sorry baby, you and the baby do complete me… I don't know what I meant' Derek said to her but he didn't know what else to say.

'What is it Derek? 'Cause you've been very protective the whole pregnancy but since I turned 7 months last week you've gotten even more protective and everything and you have changed, like you don't want the baby anymore or you're afraid' Penelope told him, voicing her concern.

Derek's eyes widened and he took another sip of vodka. He said 'baby girl, of course I still want this baby, I just don't want anything to happen. This does mean everything to me'

'If it makes you feel better, I am terrified of giving birth, of being a mum, of everything…' Penelope told him then carried on 'nothing is going to happen, it's going to be okay'

'I know you will be a good mum Penelope you don't have to be scared, you have nothing to worry about… I'm a bit more than scared, terrified and worried, not about being a dad or anything but how do you know that nothings gonna happen?' Derek said sounding worried 'I hope nothings going to happen'

Penelope looked at Derek confused 'the doctor said everything will be fine, where is this coming from Derek?'

Derek sighed and looked away from Penelope and closed his eyes, memories coming back, memories that he didn't want, he wanted to block them away. He stood up and walked out of the room. He vaguely heard Penelope asking or talking to him but he carried on walking to the kitchen to get a strong drink.

A strong drink to block out the memories!

'It isn't coming from anywhere… I'm just worried' Derek told her.

Penelope rolled her eyes at Derek, not believing him. 'Please Derek talk to me…'

'There's just an empty gap in my heart that no one and nothing can fill… absolutely anything okay that's it' Derek said, tears in his eyes, after a minute or two of silence, trying to figure out whether he should say anything or not.

'Empty gap…what does that mean Derek? I'm starting to get really worried' Penelope informed him.

Derek got up and left again, this time just getting the bottle of vodka and came back. He took a sip of vodka and put the bottle down on the table. He took a deep breath and said 'there's some things you don't know about me'

Penelope looked at Derek confused 'a few things I don't know about you? What does that mean?' she asked trying to think of what it could be but had no luck.

Derek got the vodka bottle and Penelope glared at him. 'Derek… stop drinking'

'I have to' Derek replied and took a sip; he was quiet for a moment.

'Are you going to tell me now?' Penelope asked.

Derek nodded his head and stayed quiet trying to think of how he could tell her. 'Okay… it's bad for me… very bad and I hate it… more than anything… I don't even know why it had to happen' Derek started, tears in his eyes staring at the wall, he couldn't look at her.

'Wow… okay you can tell me you know, its okay you don't have to be MR tough guy around me, just be yourself' Penelope said to him, trying to comfort him.

Derek shook his head, taking more vodka 'it's not okay, not for me… I'll be back in a minute' Derek replied getting up and going into another room before Penelope could say anything.

Penelope sighed; he was being so distant from her and being too close to her at the same time. He wouldn't tell her anything, tell her what's going on but he would be so protective of her and the baby, just like she knew he would be but even more protective now, sometimes a bit too over protective.

Derek came back with the box which had a 'D hearts A' she frowned when she saw the box and asked 'what's that?'

'This… is the story you don't know' Derek told her quietly, still not looking at her but sitting down next to her anyway, grabbing the vodka.

'Derek look at me and stop drinking' Penelope demanded calmly.

Derek took some more vodka and shook his head 'no, I can't I'm sorry' he said, pain in his voice.

Penelope took the vodka away from him and he looked at her, sad face and tears in his eyes, and said 'I need that' and then looked away.

'No baby you don't, so please can you tell me now… I'm not going to judge you, hate you or leave you because of it' Penelope reassured him.

'Well no, please don't, that would hurt…' Derek said and looked at her. He gave her a kiss and then said 'okay this box, it has so many personal things and… you know you asked me what was in that box a couple of months ago… well it has a diary and loads of other things to go with it' Derek told her taking a deep breath…


	8. Chapter 8

7

Chapter 8

Penelope looked at Derek, trying to get him to look at her but he was looking down at the box.

He hadn't opened it yet. He just stared at it. 'You can look what's in the box…' Derek told Penelope quietly, a few tears making their way down his face.

Penelope took the box carefully after a few moments. Derek continued to stare, now at the floor. 'Please open it…' Derek said in a whisper.

Penelope nodded and opened the box, carefully putting the lid down beside her. Derek took another sip of vodka and closed his eyes.

Penelope stared at the contents in the box and didn't really know what to make of it. She didn't even know what it meant or what to say. 'Do you want to tell me what this means? What it means to you? I'm kind of confused here baby' Penelope told him. She was getting worried about him; he had never been this quiet.

Derek continued to stare and stay silent for a few more moments then looked at her. 'It means everything to me, like you… I bought it, when she was born, when she was 6 months old, 1 years old, 2,3,4,5,6,7 years old, when I want, I buy things for her…' Derek told her quietly, taking her hand.

Penelope listened to what Derek was saying. She understood what Derek was saying but she was wondering who "she" was. Just as she was about to reply the T.V turned on.

Penelope jumped and Derek stared at the T.V with wide eyes. 'What the hell? Can this ghost or whatever go? Derek tell it to go please' Penelope asked him.

'I don't know where it is but okay; I can tell it to go… ' Derek said sadly at the end.

'Are you not bothered by it?' Penelope asked, slowly recovering.

'Absolutely not… I like it, comforting to me' Derek grinned.

'Comforting?' Penelope asked, feeling a head ache come on.

'Yea, plus she loves us' Derek told her.

'How do you know that? How do you even know it's a girl? Are you psychic? Penelope asked eyes wide. 'Please can you tell her to stop?'

'No it's just a feeling…' Derek told her. 'She lives here sometimes… Okay little miss, go sit down and behave okay' Derek told Ashleigh, hoping she would listen to him.

Ashleigh nodded her head and said 'okay daddy' then tried to wipe a few tears away even though she knew he couldn't see her. Then she went to Penelope and put her hand on Penelope's tummy, then went to sit down and turned the T.V off.

Derek and Penelope sighed in relief. 'See she's good'

Penelope smiled and nodded her head. 'Oh yea, who's the "she" you were talking about before… with the box and everything? This dress is so pretty' Penelope told him.

Derek sighed and looked down again. 'The amazing beautiful 7-year-old girl…' Derek tried to laugh but ended up crying instead. 'You know when Ruby called you, so she could speak to me; she wanted to speak to me about this girl…' Derek paused, picking up a little shoe that was in the box and smiled 'her name is… Ashleigh' Derek told her, tears still going down his face.

'Oh, okay who is she, like a friend's daughter or…' Penelope asked. Derek wasn't giving her any details so she could only guess.

'Ashleigh… I love her so much… she's my… daughter…' Derek told Penelope not looking at her… he started crying even more and he couldn't stop the tears, he didn't bother. Instead he reached for his wallet and got out the ultrasound picture he kept of Ashleigh.

Penelope gasped.

Her eyes wide in shock!

'You… you have a daughter?' Penelope asked needing to make sure she heard him right.

Derek finally looked at her, passing her the picture. 'Yea, I have a daughter, with Ruby…' Derek told her in a whisper.

Penelope was still in shock and didn't know what to say. 'Why didn't you tell me earlier?'

'I tried, I just didn't know how to…' Derek replied. 'She knows about you' Derek told her.

'She… she does? Okay…' Penelope said not knowing what to make of it.

'Yup, she loves her mummy Penelope…' Derek said, laughing slightly, shaking his head.

'Huh? You lost me, I've never seen her or even heard of her… but she loves me? Has she seen me?' Penelope asked.

'Yup she loves you, I know you haven't seen her, she has seen you though, she knows you're my baby girl, she thinks your very pretty, beautiful, funny and smart, oh and awesome. She said she knows computer stuff. She likes Dr Uncle Reid too. She wonders why Hotch always has a straight face, she likes Aunty Emily and she loves her hair. She likes Aunty JJ too, she loves everyone on our team' Derek said, smile on his face with tears and love in his eyes, as he spoke about his daughter.

Penelope smiled and kissed him on the cheek. 'That's sweet… and she calls me mummy Penelope? How does she know, we've never met her… can we meet her'

Derek nodded his head and said 'yea, yea she does, she's funny she knows you worry about me and she doesn't like it when you're sad either and she wants me to be careful. I am apparently her hero… I wish we could meet her…' Derek trailed off. He picked up the diary in the box, with the initials 'AM' and a heart.

'Yea, Derek you are her hero and she is absolutely right, I do worry about you' Penelope told him 'she's very clever'. Penelope carried on saying 'but…' to the other sentence about seeing her.

Derek looked at her. 'But… she's dead…' Derek told her, crying and putting his face in his hands. 'She was never even born, Ruby had a miscarriage when she was 7 months pregnant… that's why I'm so worried... and too over protective, I just don't want it to happen again…'

Penelope was shocked, tears in her eyes, not knowing what to say or do…


	9. Chapter 9

7

Chapter 9 – the full story

Penelope stared at Derek in shock!

'Oh my… baby I'm so sorry, that's not fair… you can worry as much as you like… your baby daughter… baby boy I'm so sorry, you don't deserve to go through that. I know your going to be a good dad…' Penelope said in shock. 'Your daughter is so lucky to have you as a dad and I'm sorry you never got the chance to be a dad to Ashleigh' Penelope told him, tears in her eyes.

Derek looked at her, tears going down his face. 'I'm sorry too… our baby is my second chance… you shouldn't be sorry, it's not your fault'

Penelope took Derek's hand and asked 'why didn't you say anything?'

Derek shrugged and responded 'I guess because… well I didn't know how to tell you and… I didn't want to bother you I guess…' Derek told her.

After a moment of silence Derek said 'she came to me in my dreams a few times… she told me she was okay, that she loved me and that she wanted me to stop hurting… I keep telling myself that she's gone and although she's still with me I still feel alone without her… I just wanted one more time to tell her I love her… sounds crazy I know but…'

Penelope shook her head 'it doesn't sound crazy, it sounds very normal, she knows you love her and miss, it's normal to feel alone… but you're not alone, I'm here' she told him, then kissed his cheek and whispered 'I love you' to him.

Derek smiled slightly at her and said 'I love you too' he took the diary and she looked at him. 'The diary… I write in it, every anniversary, birthday and most things that happens which remind me of her' he opened a page and read the beginning of it to her.

'Hey Ashleigh,

I met someone today, she was amazing and beautiful, I asked for her help with something and I didn't know her name, I asked Reid, who was distracted and he said her name was Gomez.

She didn't respond at first, I thought about calling her beautiful blonde, but I called her baby girl instead… baby girl, I thought of you and felt guilty a bit, because you are always going to be my baby girl too…' Derek read to her.

Penelope smiled, listening to what Derek wrote about her, and then listened to what he wrote about his unborn daughter.

'I wonder, what your eyes look like, what clothes you like to wear, what your hobbies are and just everything about you… I can imagine and try to make things up, but that wouldn't have been the real you… that's who I want to know.

Every time I see you in my dreams, you make me happy, you have such a beautiful and infectious smile, I love it and everything about you… when you look at me with your beautiful brown eyes you make me feel calm, calmer than I have ever been before. You have such an amazing caring heart and I'm sorry you had to leave us so quickly.

Like I tell you every time… I love you Ash

Love dad xxx' Derek read the last bit to her.

'That was beautiful Derek…' Penelope said, not knowing what else to say. 'No one is to blame for her leaving too quickly'

Derek nodded, 'I wasn't even there, when she had the miscarriage, I was at work, shows how committed I am in relationships' Derek said sarcastically.

'Hey, none of that baby, you are very committed in relationships and in your job, that's what I love about you, it makes you who you are, don't forget that, it wasn't your fault that you weren't there when it happened' Penelope told Derek.

'Yea but I should've been there, she blames me for not being there, thank you baby girl' Derek told her, shrugging his shoulders. 'You know how to make me feel better' Derek said seriously.

'I know; it's also my job to make you feel better' Penelope told him. 'I'm pretty sure she was just in shock when she blamed you but she doesn't anymore, she told me she doesn't blame you baby, so don't blame yourself'

'It's also my job to love, support and look after you, I don't think I've done that…' Derek trailed off.

'Hey, baby no, stop doubting yourself, you do all those things, I tell you to stop being so over protective of me don't I, that's looking after me' Penelope said, feeling sad that Derek was doubting himself. 'Now tell me about Ashleigh' Penelope said softly.

'I dream about her every night…' Derek said with a smile 'what do you want me to tell you, I don't know anything about her' Derek stated, pain in his voice.

'I'm sorry baby' Penelope told him, her arm linked with his. 'She'll always be in your heart'

Derek nodded 'I know… in my dream she's a lot like me' Derek smiled weakly.

'See that's good, in your dream what color are her eyes?' Penelope asked, making him think of happy things.

'Deep, dark brown, amazing eyes' Derek told her happily. 'Like the ones you can't forget, etched in your memory' Derek sighed.

'Like yours' Penelope stated. Derek looked at her and smiled, giving her a kiss.

'I'm sorry, I wanted to tell you sooner, I don't know why I told you know, your… 7 months pregnant, I don't want to stress you out, you don't deserve that' Derek told her, feeling guilty but happy that he told her.

'Baby like I told you, I'm happy that you told me, I don't want you to go through it alone, we are going to go through it together okay, whether you like it or not' Penelope told him 'we go through everything together so this is no exception' Penelope carried on.

Derek gave Penelope another kiss, but this one was different, it was desperate, desperate for support and love, desperate to heal his broken heart inside, Penelope had put most of his heart back together and there was just one piece missing, he wasn't sure she could fix that piece though, no one could.

He was hoping that one day all his pain would heal, he knew though that there would just be more pain to come, the death and blood him and his team saw everyday would take its toll on them eventually.


	10. Chapter 10

7

Chapter 10 – the team find out!

Derek, Penelope and a 4 month old Kayla Ashleigh Morgan were sitting on the couch waiting for the team to come and see them.

Penelope got up and went upstairs getting something from their room.

Derek was holding Kayla when someone knocked on the door. Derek smiled and got up carefully with Kayla who was also smiling, and walked to the door opening it to see JJ standing there with a smile a bottle of wine in her hand.

JJ stepped in and Derek said hello to her and then gave Kayla to JJ. He went into the kitchen and got her a drink, then came back as Penelope came down. 'Where's Kay?' Penelope asked.

'With JJ, I just went to get her a drink' Derek told her and gave her a kiss. He was going to walk back and give the drink to JJ when there was another knock on the door, Penelope offered to go and open the door and he agreed, going to give JJ her drink.

'Thanks' JJ said, as she took the drink from him and took a sip. Kayla smiled brightly when she saw her mum, Auntie Emily, Uncle Hotch and Uncle Reid; she stretched out her arms so her mum could take her.

5 minutes later someone was at the door again, Derek was holding Kayla and went to open the door to see Rossi there this time, and Kayla smiled and decided she wanted to go over to Rossi, he gladly took her when he got through the door and Derek went to get him a drink too.

'How's everything going at night?' JJ asked.

'It's going fine actually, she's an angel…' Derek replied with a smile on his face.

Penelope smiled and agreed with Derek.

Derek and Hotch were talking to each other about work and other things until Reid joined in and gave loads of random facts about anything.

Emily and JJ were talking whilst Penelope went to take a sleeping Kayla to bed. Emily went to go see Hotch and Derek and asked Derek 'how is it being a dad?'

Derek nodded and said 'yea, it's going fine, I love it'

Emily smiled and nodded her head 'yea, I can tell you're a really good dad. You're her hero'

Derek smiled 'thanks Em, I hope I'm her hero, all of us are' Derek said. Ashleigh's voice in his head saying 'you're my hero daddy' Derek got tears in his eyes and Hotch and Emily looked at him with surprise and concern.

'Are you okay Derek?' Emily asked wondering if she said something wrong, or hurt Derek in some way.

Derek shook his head, his face going emotionless apart from the fake smile on his face. 'Yea I'm okay'

5 minutes later Derek managed to get away and went upstairs, saying he was going to check Kayla.

He was going to check Kay but decided to get his diary first, bringing it with him and sitting next to Kayla's crib.

He looked at Kayla's peaceful face and smiled. He got out the diary and opened it, reading to her for a few minutes before he heard a knock on the door. He put the diary away and opened the door to see Penelope there.

'Hey baby girl, I'm coming down now' Derek told her.

Penelope nodded and asked 'are you okay? Emily told me what she said about you being a hero and then that you changed'

Derek smiled 'yea, I'm fine I didn't change or anything' he told her.

Penelope looked at him carefully but he wasn't showing any emotion so she didn't know whether he was actually okay or not. She gave him a kiss and then took his hand 'okay, as long as you're sure'

Derek nodded and walked downstairs with her, rejoining the team.

Most of the night, Kayla was the topic of discussion and Derek was quiet when they spoke about her.

'Oh Derek is like in love with Kayla, can't separate them' Penelope said, and the rest of them smiled, including Derek.

'Of course… I'm insanely in love with both my daughters' Derek said with a bright smile on his face.

Emily choked on her drink and Derek shook his head and left the room quickly before anyone could say anything. Penelope was just as shocked as everyone else was, even though she knew about his daughter.

Rossi was the first to recover and looked at Penelope 'what daughter? What is he talking about?'

Penelope grimaced and said 'I have to go get Derek' she told them and got up going to find Derek.

Penelope found him, sitting on their bed, the box next to him he had taken out a cute top and leggings, then a dress he got for her.

She sighed and went over to him, 'baby… are you okay?' Penelope asked him, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

Derek didn't look at her but nodded his head 'yea, I'm fine'

'Derek…' Penelope said.

'I'm fine; I didn't even mean to say it… I need to get a drink' Derek said and got up, putting his hands on his face.

Penelope sighed and put everything back and left the room to go back to the team. 'Derek's coming in a minute'

Derek walked in, with a strong drink. Instead of looking at his friends he looked down at his drink.

The team looked at Derek, waiting for him to do or say something.

He moved and went to sit on the edge of the couch, still looking at his drink, he took a sip and then looked up at the team, to find them staring at him and waiting patiently. He cleared his throat and said 'I have 2 daughters… Kayla and Ashleigh…' just after he said Ashleigh the light turned off.

Derek sighed and went to put it back on. The team continued to stare at Derek in shock. They couldn't believe it.

'Since when? That is so cool oh my god' JJ said. 'How come you've never mentioned her?'

'I have, kind of, to you JJ, when we went shopping and I got that dress I said it was for Ashleigh… I also said that I fell in love with someone else and that was Ashleigh, she's my daughter. Then you asked if I was still in love with this mystery person and I said no… but I lied' Derek told them.

'Ashleigh is 7 and she knows and loves all of you' Derek said, taking a sip of vodka.

'Oh wow…' Emily said in shock.

Derek got up again and went to get his wallet. He took out the ultrasound picture and came back again.

He gave it to JJ who was closest at the time and they all looked at the picture and said it was cute.

Rossi asked 'that's really nice; I love the picture, how come we've never met her? We've never even heard of her'

'Yea, I don't know, I just didn't know how to tell you, Penelope only found out a couple of months ago too' Derek shrugged. Penelope agreed.

'So you're a step mum Penelope, how do you feel about that?' Hotch asked.

Penelope smiled 'yea, I love it…'

Derek smiled a real smile for the first time and said 'she calls her mummy Penelope'.

Penelope smiled and nodded in agreement. She had no clue what to say.


	11. Chapter 11

7

Chapter 11 – Stories about Ashleigh

'That's so sweet' Emily said with a smile. 'Can we meet her?'

Derek cleared his throat tears in his eyes. He laughed slightly and then he put his face in his hands, starting to cry. He told himself to stop crying as he never cries in front of his team but he couldn't and the tears wouldn't stop.

Penelope grimaced and took his hand, hoping to give him support and comfort him at the same time.

Emily and the team frowned, they had never seen Derek cry before, especially like this, he was normally the tough guy but now he only seemed the opposite, it was nice in a way to see him like this, not because he was crying but because it showed that he wasn't always the tough guy they knew.

They were starting to get worried about him as he hadn't moved, or said anything and he was still crying. 'Are you okay Derek?' Hotch asked softly.

Derek took a deep breath and nodded his head, getting rid of the tears. He looked up again slightly and took another deep breath to steady himself. 'Yea, I would love you to meet her… its just…' Derek started, and after a moment he felt a strange cold feeling, like a presence was near him. He smiled a bit and then put his blank face back on. 'She… Ashleigh… is dead…'

The team was in shock.

JJ was in shock. She looked at Derek and saw how pained he was and how this could somehow be a relief to him, to finally get that secret out.

Reid was in shock. Wow he thought. He started going through facts in his head. He couldn't believe Derek had to go through that. Derek was always so happy but inside he had this big secret and he couldn't help but wonder what other big secrets they all had but still hadn't told yet.

Rossi was feeling sad for Derek. He didn't deserve to go through that, no one did but with everything he had been through. It must have been really difficult for him to go through that, just like anyone would have difficulty. 'People who have good hearts, get hurt the most' Rossi thought to himself.

Penelope looked at Derek wanting to support him but not exactly knowing how. She was still having difficulty, having the knowledge that he was going to be a dad before and then lost his baby.

Emily got tears in her eyes, her mouth wide open. She didn't know, like everyone else at that moment what to say or do. She wanted to give him a hug but she didn't know whether that was what he wanted right now.

Hotch was in shock and for once he couldn't keep any emotion off his face. He knew at times like these that no words could comfort him; they just had to support him as much as they could. As a team! As a family, the family they were and had become.

Before anyone could say anything Derek said 'Ruby… my ex had a miscarriage when she was 7 months pregnant…' Derek told them all, a couple of tears making their way down his face. 'That's why I was being so over protective when Penelope was 7 months pregnant…' Derek explained, although he didn't need to. 'I never even got to see my baby daughter… she left before I even got to meet her' Derek said not bothering to hide the pain in his voice.

'Derek…' JJ started, she didn't know what to say though, it was difficult knowing he had been through something like that and hadn't said anything all this time. But like last time he opened up she was surprised because he was such a private person. 'I'm so sorry, especially for asking if you were still in love with the mystery person. It must have been hard for you to say that you weren't. I'm so sorry that you have been through that. Like I said last time, you can talk to us whenever you want, if you want… we're not going to push you to open up' she finished.

Derek finished the rest of his drink and closed his eyes, wanting to forget he told them anything. He nodded his head and said 'thank you and it's alright, you didn't know, I would've told you sooner… I just didn't know how'

Emily smiled. She was proud of him because this was a big thing in his life that was so obviously important to him. 'We understand Derek that you didn't know how, it's okay, we like that you told us about this' Emily told him.

Derek looked up at everyone. Grateful! He smiled at them saying thank you again. He didn't really want to talk about it anymore but since he had brought it up they would ask questions, he didn't have to answer them but they were so supportive so he would. He felt a massive weight life of his shoulders, now that he had told them, he felt so much better.

Hotch managed to actually say something. 'Derek, whatever you need, we're here for you, just let us know. It's good that you've told us, even if you didn't plan to…' Hotch told him quietly and softly.

Derek nodded his head 'I actually didn't plan on telling you yet, I really wanted to but I don't know…' Derek told them.

Penelope was doing silly patterns on Derek's hand and spoke up suggesting 'why don't you tell them about that dream you had'

Derek frowned at Penelope 'which dream, I've had loads…' he asked and kissed her on the head.

'The light one and the first one you told me about, when you told me… about the team' Penelope reminded him.

'Oh… that one… yea I could do that… she lives with us sometimes… basically I was having a dream and she said she had to go…' Derek said looking sad 'then she asked if she could lie down next to me… and like to make sure… oh she's so sweet… to make sure I knew she was there she said she would turn on the light next to our bed… anyway I woke up and… the light turned on… so I was like aw and it just made me happy, because it felt real… I mean that's the only way I can keep her around kind of…' Derek told them and they smiled.

'Oh yea and the team one... me and Ash, we were sitting by a lake… on the rocks with the sun going down. We were talking and laughing. She was telling me that we should be careful when we catch bad guys because mummy Penelope… her words, not mines… worries and she asked if I was still saving people, I told her I was but that we don't always save them… she said… "_Don't worry daddy, you're my hero and Penelope's hero too, but you can't be everyone's hero, you can't save everyone daddy but at least you tried, isn't that most important, that's what you told mummy Penelope once…" _I asked her where she gets her cleverness from and she said "_maybe I get it from Dr Uncle Reid…"' _Derek and the team smiled when he heard him say that. 'She is very fond of you… all of you… and then she asked "why does Uncle Hotch have a straight face most of the time"' Derek said and heard the team laugh. 'Oh and Emily she likes your hair and she said she loves everyone on this team, even if you don't know her… but then again I don't really know her either…' Derek said, shaking his head, tears in his eyes. 'She said family makes her happy and that family is important… my girl is clever' Derek said laughing slightly.

'Aw that's so sweet, well I definitely love her and yea she is clever… Dr Uncle Reid, aw that's adorable' Emily said smiling, the rest of the team agreeing with her.

JJ nodded her head 'I love her too, I am pretty sure she is beautiful'

Derek nodded and said 'I agree, in my dream she has dark brown eyes and long dark wavy hair and she looks beautiful… she said that about the dress I got her, the one you helped me choose, she said she loves it…'

Derek got up and walked into their bedroom getting his Ashleigh box.


	12. Chapter 12

7

Chapter 12 –Over his heart!

Derek went to get his Ashleigh box and heard Kayla start to cry, he worried instantly, the profiler in him and went to get her, he picked her up carefully and she opened her eyes.

He smiled at his beautiful daughter and sat down on the rocking chair. He got the diary and opened it but decided against it, the team would be waiting for them, so he got up again carefully and walked out of the room with his Ashleigh box and the diary and Kayla.

'Hey Kay' Penelope said as Derek gave her to Penelope.

'What's that box?' Rossi asked, pointing towards it.

Derek looked at the box and smiled, then looked up again. 'This is the story you don't know…' he told them and Penelope smiled.

'Oh, it's about Ashleigh isn't it…?' JJ stated.

'Yea…' Derek said quietly. He opened the box, going to show them, what was in there. He got the dress out first 'recognize this JJ…' he asked.

JJ's eyes widened in surprise and she nodded her head. 'Yea that's the dress you got, the one I said was beautiful' JJ answered.

'Yup…' Derek said and then got out a little pair of shoes, which even Kayla could wear, and the team smiled.

'Oh they are so cute' Emily said and Derek passed them to her.

He got the top that he got her when she turned 2, which had purple butterflies. JJ smiled at the top and said 'aw I love that'

Derek passed out everything he had got for her and said 'I got all this for her, whenever it was her birthday or whenever I wanted'

'That's so sweet… and very understandable' Emily said, feeling sorry for Derek.

Derek just smiled in response and thought about telling them about the diary.

The team looked at everything.

Penelope in the mean time was holding Derek's hand, showing her support.

Ashleigh, was looking at her dad and the family around her and smiled, she then stared at her beautiful sister, 'hey Kayla' she said and stroked her head softly.

Kayla smiled, and then put her thumb in her mouth. Ashleigh smiled at her little sister and said 'your cute, you are… I love you Kay' she stuck her tongue out and smiled, making Kayla laugh.

She then disappeared to the other side of the room and went to see her dad, who was sitting there quietly, a few tears making its way down his face. She felt sad for her dad 'I don't want you to cry daddy' she said shaking her head, knowing her dad couldn't hear her. She reached out her hand and put it on his chest just over his heart. Then reached out her other hand and wiped a few tears away. She smiled when she saw Derek put his hand on his chest over her heart.

'There you go daddy, you have to be happy now' Ashleigh said, tears in her eyes as well. 'Goodbye daddy, I love you' she whispered and kissed his cheek and then said 'goodbye Penelope, goodbye Kayla and goodbye everyone' she put her hand on everyone's cheek, as a way to say thank you and goodbye.

'Was that just me or did you feel something on your cheek for like a second?' Emily asked after a moment.

Everyone nodded their heads and Penelope said 'yea I felt something to, it was Ashleigh… she's letting us know she's here' she smiled slightly and squeezed Derek's hand.

Kayla frowned and pouted her lip, seeing Ashleigh leave, feeling lonely.

Later that night!

Derek and Penelope were lying in bed, facing each other. 'You did well today Derek, I'm proud of you, I know that it was difficult for you' Penelope said quietly.

'Thanks baby girl, and thank you for your help, I don't think I could have done this without you' Derek replied, feeling grateful. He smiled and gave her a kiss. 'The team was amazing too'

'Yea they were…' Penelope said and yawned.

'Sleep baby girl, you're tired…' Derek said quietly. She nodded, too tired to speak and laid her head on his chest. 'I love you' Derek whispered and kissed her head, lying back on his pillow, feeling tired himself.

He fell asleep quickly, dreaming of his daughter.

'Daddy' Ashleigh squealed happily, bright smile on her face running to give him a hug.

'Hey baby' Derek smiled just as bright at seeing his daughter, returning her hug. 'You okay?' he asked.

'Yea daddy I'm okay… I missed you' she said quietly. 'I saw you, mummy Penelope and Kayla today with your team, I like that they listened to you daddy' she told him.

'Yea, we listen to each other… I missed you too baby'

'I made Kayla laugh I think, I stuck my tongue out at her and smiled and she laughed' Ash told her dad then made the same face and Derek laughed.

'Yea, you made her laugh, your funny' Derek smiled, stroking his daughter's cheek. 'I didn't mean to tell them about you, I wasn't ready yet… I wanted you to myself for a bit longer… it's out now though and I feel good'

'That's good; daddy but you will always have me to yourself, I don't mind' Ash told her dad.

'Good to hear…then I'll keep you forever' Derek said tears in his eyes and then kissed her on the head.

'Okay… daddy, don't cry' she said, tears in her eyes now.

'It's kind of hard not to when I miss you so much, I only get to see you every once in a while baby' Derek said, more tears in his eyes.

'I heard you said I left you too soon and that you never got to see me… I'm sorry you feel that way… but I never left daddy, I've always been here… and that's where I'll always be and here' Ashleigh pointed towards her dad's head and put her hand on his chest, over his heart. 'So if you ever feel sad, think of me and I'll be there, in your head and in your heart, so don't forget me daddy' Ashleigh added.

Derek was now crying. 'I will never forget you baby and your right, you never left you've always been in my heart and always will be. I always think of you baby girl, how can I ever forget you?' Derek asked, giving her a tight hug. 'I love you so much and you mean the world to me' he told her and let go of her.

'I know daddy, I love you too… but I need you to move on…' Ash started and Derek looked at her in shock. 'You need to let me go… I'll always be your daughter; I just want you to stop hurting daddy. One day, you'll think of me and be happy; it won't hurt any more… I'll still come visit you'

Derek stayed silent, listening to what Ash was saying, he didn't want to let her go and move on even though he knew he needed to… 'I…' Derek sighed, a few more tears making its way down his face 'I don't want to, I don't know how'

'Daddy please, I don't have much time left' Ashleigh begged, tears in her eyes 'you do know how daddy, I know you do, you just have to believe, like you believe in Penelope'

Derek sat there and thought for a minute and finally nodded 'Okay, but I don't like it' he said crying.

'Thank you daddy' Ashleigh said and hugged him tightly. 'I can visit when I have some important news to tell you…' she told him. 'I have to go now daddy but I love you and tell Kayla I love her too, I want to tell Penelope myself that I love her' she whispered quietly.

'Okay baby, I will, I love you too and so does Kayla' Derek said and kissed her head.


	13. Chapter 13

7

Chapter 13

Derek watched his daughter go and sighed, he missed her already.

Penelope was dreaming it was a rare dream; she mostly had nightmares about Derek getting hurt when on the job, this time though it was different.

'Hello mummy' a young beautiful girl said, she looked less than ten but older than five, she had dark brown eyes and was smiling; her smile reminded her of Derek's cheeky smile.

'Ashleigh?' Penelope asked, unsure.

Ash nodded her head and smiled 'yea, I wanted to see you again. I wanted to talk to you mummy, I don't have much time though' Ashleigh told her and looked down sadly.

Penelope reached out and held her hand 'hey baby, its okay, what did you want to talk to me about?' Penelope asked.

Ashleigh looked up, tears in her eyes and hugged Penelope. 'I'm worried about daddy. I want you to make sure he's okay, even though I know you do and I thank you for that, but now daddy is really upset and that makes me upset… I just want daddy to be okay'

Penelope got a few tears in her eyes too, seeing how much his daughter cared for him. 'Of course I will baby, I'll make sure he's okay, why is he upset Ash?' Penelope asked.

'I said he has to let me go, so he can move on, because I don't want him to hurt any more, I want him to think of me and be happy…' Ashleigh started.

'Ash baby, he is happy when he speaks about you and thinks of you, I don't want him to hurt either' Penelope reassured her.

'I want you to be okay too mummy, I know you don't know much about me though' Ashleigh, looked down feeling sad and disappointed 'I wish you did, I know about you and I care about you' Ash whispered sadly.

'Aw baby, your dad has told me a lot about you; I care about you too, I'll be okay sweetie don't worry' Penelope said to her. 'I'll make sure your dad is okay' she added stroking her cheek softly.

'Thank you! Are you sure, you'll both be okay? What about Kayla, I made her laugh today' Ashleigh said, smile back on her face.

'Oh that's why she laughed, I'm sure, and we will all be okay' Penelope laughed, loving her infectious smile.

Ashleigh then looked down and got tears in her eyes 'I heard daddy say I left him too early, so when I saw him tonight I told him I'll always be in his heart and his head but I felt bad, it's my fault, I left too early…'

'No, stop! Baby, he was just upset, but he didn't mean it and it definitely isn't your fault okay baby, never think that… and you will always be in our hearts okay always!' Penelope promised.

'Okay mummy. I don't have much time left but I will come back' Ash said, looking up at her and smiled.

They spoke for another minute or so and then she had to leave 'I'm sorry mummy, I have to go… I love you and Kay and daddy' she said and kissed her on the cheek then gave her a hug.

Penelope returned the hug and kissed her on the head 'I love you to baby, don't forget that, go be safe'

Ashleigh nodded her head and waved goodbye, disappearing after a moment.

Penelope sighed, feeling sad and missing her already.

Penelope woke up 'wow that was an amazing dream, felt so real' Penelope whispered to herself, sitting up in bed, going to get a glass of water.

She came back a minute later, checking on Kayla at the same time. Smiling, feeling happy and relieved she was okay. She remembered that Ashleigh told her she made her laugh and smiled even more, getting tears in her eyes. She stroked her cheek and then left the room, going back to bed.

Penelope got into bed and put her head against Derek's chest, hearing his heart beat and feeling comfort. She cuddled closer to Derek and took his hand in hers.

Derek woke up, a few minutes later. He looked at Penelope and smiled, kissing her head lightly.

Surprised that Penelope was awake, he asked if she was okay. She sat up, Derek doing the same. Derek turned the light on next to them, so he could see her beautiful face.

She hugged him tightly, tears in her eyes. 'What's wrong baby girl?' Derek asked, worry in his voice.

She looked down and closed her eyes. Derek lifted her chin and she looked up at him. 'I had a dream it was… it felt so real… I think I saw Ashleigh, she said she wanted me to make sure you were okay or going to be okay… she also said she blames herself, for leaving you too soon because she heard that you said she left too quickly. I told her that she wasn't to blame though. She was so sweet and she has your smile. She said she loves us and she told me she made Kayla laugh today' Penelope said with tears in her eyes and a sad smile on her face.

Derek looked at her with tears in his eyes too and held on to her. 'You did see Ash, she said she wanted to speak to you and say goodbye properly… I will be fine baby girl, I promise… Ash did tell me that she made Kayla laugh today… she's not to blame, I said the wrong thing, and I didn't mean I blame her…' Derek said shaking his head 'I don't want to let her go'

'Don't worry babe, I told her it wasn't her fault and she knows that now. But just remember what she said… she will always be in here…' Penelope said putting a hand over his chest 'and here' she put the other one on his head. 'She said that's what you told her. Did you have the same dream?'

'Kind of, I remember she said that…' Derek said a slight smile on his face.

'She know's you love her, she also said she wishes I knew more about her because she really loves and cares about me… she seriously is the cutest ever… she said that because you were upset, so was she' Penelope told him.

'Yea she is cute and she knows me too well but she also knows I don't like it when she's upset. She said she will come visit me every once in a while, when she has something important to tell one of us. I hope that's soon and good news because I miss her like crazy already' Derek said.

'So do I… just remember, if you want to talk I'm here for you and I'm supporting you… and… I love you' Penelope told him softly and gave him a kiss.

'Thank you baby girl, I know you are I'll talk when I am ready… I love you too babe' Derek replied. 'Let's try and get some more sleep baby girl, I'm tired, and I will stay awake with you though if you're…' Derek rambled on, but got interrupted and stopped talking when Penelope kissed him, to stop him from speaking.

'Let's just sleep' Penelope said simply, waiting for Derek to lie back down, she took his hand and held on, putting her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes and going back to sleep, Derek doing the same!


	14. Chapter 14

7

Chapter 14 – Telling Kayla

7 years later!

Kayla was now 7 years old.

Derek had picked up Kay from school and they were now at home, Kay playing in her room, talking to herself.

Derek stood outside Kayla's door, watching her play and talk. He smiled and knocked on the door; she looked over at him and smiled telling him to come in.

'Who are you talking to baby?' Derek asked as he sat on the floor, opposite his daughter.

She looked beside her, next to Derek and smiled 'what's your name again?' She stayed silent for a moment and then looked up to her dad, a smile, just like her mothers, on her face.

'She said her name is Ashleigh, she said that she's my sister' Kayla said to her dad with a smile 'is that true daddy?'

Derek's eyes widened and he opened his mouth, his chest swelled, suddenly feeling emotional. 'I miss her so much' Derek thought to himself.

Kayla frowned and crawled over to her dad, wondering why he was so quiet all of a sudden. 'Why are you quiet daddy?'

Derek shook his head and looked at her. Giving her a hug, he said 'nothing baby, that's nice, is Ash okay?'

Kayla smiled and stayed quiet for a moment. 'She said that she's okay and happy and she said she loves you and mummy'

Derek got tears in his eyes and said 'that's good, I'm glad she's okay, we both love you too'

'Can you tell dad that I have a new friend, same age as me' Ash told Kayla with a smile.

'Daddy… Ash says that she has a new friend that's the same age as her' Kay told her dad with a smile on her face.

'Aw, that's good to hear, what's her name baby?' Derek smiled, happy that she has someone to be with and talk to. Happy to know she wasn't alone.

'His name is Remy' Ashleigh said.

Kayla repeated that to Derek and he coughed eyes wide. 'Okay, is he treating you good?'

Kayla laughed and said 'Ashleigh's laughing, she said she knew you were going to do that and she says that he does treat her well and he likes her'

'Good as long as you're happy, I just worry about you baby' Derek said as he smiled slightly.

'She says you don't have to worry because she's fine. She also says she went to the movies with him and it was fun' Kay told him.

'Oh that's fun. Even though you're fine I will still worry about you' Derek told her.

'Daddy she says she knows you will and that she loves you for it' Kayla told her dad.

'That's my job, to worry, as a dad' Derek smiled, and then kissed Kay on the head.

They carried on talking, until Ashleigh had to go and Kayla was hungry.

'Daddy, I'm hungry' Kayla complained.

'Yes baby, I'm making you dinner now okay' Derek responded.

'Okay… when is mummy coming home?' Kayla asked next.

'Kay, Derek baby I'm home' Penelope shouted, announcing her arrival.

'Mummy, your home, I missed you' Kayla said as she ran to give her mum a hug.

'Yes baby, I'm home, I missed you too' Penelope said, picking her up and kissing her cheek.

Penelope carried Kayla into the kitchen, where she put her down. She went over to Derek and gave him a kiss, asking how his day was.

'My day was eventful, to say the least. How about yours? Are you okay, you look tired, why don't you go lie down with Kay and I'll get you a drink whilst I make dinner' Derek suggested.

'Oh I LOVE you so much hot stuff. You are the best, absolutely amazing' Penelope said, smile on her face, she gave him a passionate kiss. 'Why was your day eventful? What happened?¨ Penelope asked, interested.

'We need to talk, after we put our daughter to bed' Derek whispered in her ear.

Penelope nodded and gave him another kiss before going to sit down with Kayla, who told her mum what happened at school today.

Later that night Penelope and Derek were in bed, thankfully it was a Friday and they had the day of tomorrow so they could talk to Kayla.

'What happened today with Kayla Derek?' Penelope asked.

Derek took her hand and held on tightly, 'Ashleigh was here today, I was talking to her' Derek said, sitting up in bed.

'Oh' Penelope replied, not knowing what to say. 'That's good, how was that?'

'It was okay, well it was amazing actually but when I asked who she was talking to, when I didn't know, she said she was talking to Ashleigh and apparently she told Kayla that Ashleigh is her sister and then she asked me if that was true… I think we need to tell her' Derek said the last bit in a haunted whisper.

Penelope really didn't know how to reply to that…

Penelope stayed silent for a few minutes until Derek couldn't stand the silence anymore 'baby say something, anything' Derek begged.

'Okay, we'll tell her everything tomorrow' Penelope said quietly.

Derek sighed in relief and nodded his head.

The next day!

'Kayla, baby come downstairs' Derek called.

A few moments later Kayla came running down the stairs 'am I in trouble daddy?' Kayla asked.

'No baby, you're not in trouble you haven't done anything wrong' Derek replied, taking her hand she followed and sat on the couch 'we just need to talk'

Kayla nodded and smiled 'oh hi Ashleigh, I was looking for you'

'Ashleigh is here?' Derek asked.

'Yea she's sitting next to me' Kayla replied.

'Okay, well we need to talk about Ashleigh okay and what happened yesterday' Derek explained.

Kayla looked at Penelope and then back at Derek and nodded her head 'what is it daddy? Is everything okay?'

Derek nodded, tears in his eyes, not trusting himself to speak and then said 'yea, Ashleigh is your sister, she's right'

Penelope and Kayla got tears in their eyes. Kayla hugged her dad tightly and cried 'what happened to her daddy?' she asked.

Derek hugged her back and took a deep breath; he pulled back a bit from the hug and looked into her eyes. 'She died 14 years ago….' Derek explained.

'That's how old she is though daddy' Kayla frowned.

'I know baby, but she was never even born…' Derek cried, not afraid of showing emotion in front of his family.

Penelope went over and took Derek's hand, to comfort him. He looked up at her, pain in his eyes and Penelope felt her heart-break for him, this was difficult for them as a family and she was glad she was going through it with Derek so she could support him.

'Oh' Kayla said sadly, her lips pouting and she started crying. She went to stand between her crying dad and her supporting mum.

Derek gave his daughter a hug and Penelope put her hand on Kayla's head softly, trying to comfort her.

When Kayla and Derek had finally calmed down, the three of them said goodbye, once again, to Ashleigh and spent the rest of the day talking about her.

FINISHED


End file.
